Noah is Official!

April 13th was Noah's day. That was the day his adoption was finalized and he legally became ours!

Noah's adoption was finalized in Utah and therefore the finalization took place at the county courthouse. No Skype for us this time. We got to meet the judge in person!

We invited family to come if they were able and were excited to have my parents, Zack's Step-Dad, Ray, and Danny and Rachel there with us. A representative from our attorney was there as was also a representative from our adoption agency. (Technically Noah has been under their custody for the past six months.) We arrived about 15 minutes early so Zack and boys had some fun killing time outside the courtroom:

I'd never been in a courtroom before, so it was a new experience for me. The judge sat up on the stand and we all rose as he came in. Everything was very official. They even called our agency rep up to the stand and asked her questions. We didn't have to go sit up on the stand, but our attorney did ask us questions about Noah, like, "Do you understand that he will have a right to your inheritance if you should die?" and "Do you understand that you are responsible to take care of all of his needs?" and things like that. Then he asked me, not Zack, how I felt about having him in our home. I managed not to cry, though it was hard, as I talked about how wonderful it is to be his parents. He is such a special little spirit and it just feels so perfect having him in our family.

The judge said his legal shpill, signed the decree of adoption and Noah was ours!

The judge was nice enough to let us take pictures.

We went home and put the boys down for a nap. And when I say boys, I mean ALL the boys. Zack took a nap, too. Noah woke up before the others so he and I had some one-on-one time for awhile. I saw the outfit at the store the night before and HAD to buy it for Noah. Little brothers are AWESOME!

After the naps were over we went to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate. We had planned to stop at a park before dinner because we played at a park the day Caleb's adoption was finalized and so we thought it would be a fun tradition. The weather, however, was too cold to let us. So we took a picture and left. At the restaurant, Caleb enjoyed eating Dad's steak.

And the guest of honor fell asleep halfway through the meal.

It had been a long, but very fun, day.

We are so happy that Noah is in our family. For your viewing pleasure, here's a short clip of Noah laughing at Caleb's antics. There's also a longer version, if you feel so inclined. I think I'll call these clips "Legal Brothers".

What do we do now?

I was reminded while getting a bottle ready for my baby. But I didn't mention it. Instead I said, "It's Trevor's birthday!" My nephew is turning one today! Such a great reason to rejoice this day. It's my cousin, Marcus's birthday, too. Yea for birthdays! That's what I focused on. But I still remembered. I couldn't help it. Four years ago today Jeff died.

I don't like remembering that day at all. Waking up to the phone call from my Dad. Feeling numb. I think my first words after Zack told me were, "What do we do now?" That whole day was a nightmare. Going up to Jeff and Kim's house, walking into the girl's bedroom to see my mom folding clothes. Hugging her and just crying. What do we do now? Sitting and crying on the bed with Kim. What do we do now? Touching his arm, feeling his soft soft hair that had just started to grow in after the last chemo treatments. Seeing his body and knowing he just wasn't there anymore. What do we do now?

Lost. It was just a lost feeling. It was an empty, lost feeling. An every-fiber-of-my-being-is-resisting-this-new-reality-and-I-don't-want-to-live-it-anymore feeling.

What do we do now?

The answers came. They came slowly but surely, as I was ready to hear them. They were answers I already knew. I just didn't really know them until now.

They came in church the next day, Easter Sunday, as we listened to messages about our Savior's resurrection. Assurances that this life is not all. This is just the beginning. This is just a part of our Heavenly Father's marvelous plan for His children.

They came as I watched and was a recipient of the kindness of friends and neighbors. Friends who made us lasagna and pie for the luncheon after the funeral. Lasagna and pie! Two of the hardest, most time consuming dishes to make, in my opinion. And they made them for me. And for my family because those were some of Jeff's favorite foods. I will never forget that. Neighbors who mowed Kim's lawn and pulled her weeds. Who shoveled her driveway in the wintertime (and who still do!).

The answers came as I read the scriptures. When I poured over the verses that told me where Jeff was and what he was doing and who he was with.

They came in songs on the radio, kind words from friends, and quiet moments late at night.

What do we do now?

We live. We live because He lives. And because He lives, Jeff lives. I know it.

We share this good news with everyone. We share it by bearing testimony, by loving those who surround us, by keeping the commandments. We love our families.

I know that my Savior lives. I know that because of Him, my brother lives.

Yes, today is a hard day. I'll remember and I'll cry. And then I'll go hug my boys and tell them about their Uncle Jeff and how completely wonderful he was and still is and how great it will be when they finally get to meet him. And we'll go put pinwheels on his grave and tell him we love him. And then we'll have lasagna and pie for dinner tonight.