I'm trying to learn to be more empathetic. I'm trying to learn how to listen and care about others and be a comfort when someone is feeling something other than happy. It is HARD. I'm realizing I don't like feelings if they aren't "good". It makes me uncomfortable. When my kids are upset or unhappy or angry or basically anything other than "fine", I actually get annoyed. I can be heartless sometimes. Why do I get annoyed? Because feelings are scary to me. Feelings are scary!!!! I can't fix feelings!!
But when I say, "Don't feel that way" it just seems to make the other person MORE upset.
Weird, huh?
So right now I'm trying to learn compassion. I'm trying to learn empathy. I'm trying to learn that feelings don't have to be scary. Feelings are just feelings and don't actually need to be fixed.
Right now I'm looking at Christ's life and how he showed empathy. The single most touching moment I can think of is the small verse in John 11 which simply says "Jesus wept."
Jesus wept.
Why did he weep? His good friend, Lazarus, had died and Jesus was talking to Lazarus's sister, Mary, who was also Jesus's good friend. She was crying. She was mourning the loss of her brother. He was crying because he was sharing that moment with Mary. He was sharing her pain. He was empathizing with her. He wept with her.
Here's what gets me. Jesus KNEW that Lazarus was going to be alive very soon. He had been planning it ever since he found out Lazarus was sick. He knew Mary's pain was going to very soon be turned into joy. But did he say anything about that right away? Did he say "Don't feel bad, Mary. Lazarus is going to come back to life!" No. He knew he was going to "fix" things for her, but he still didn't brush her feelings aside. He acknowledged them. He shared them. He connected with Mary in that moment. He has all the answers and all the healing and he didn't just give her answers. He gave her empathy and love first and foremost.
This tells me that when others are hurting it's not my job to have the answers for them, at least not right away. It's my job to be with them in that moment and connect with them. Don't fix it. Acknowledge their pain or sadness or anger. Listen to them. Feel with them. If, after that, I can do something to help, THEN I can offer it. But most times we don't need someone to fix things for us. We need someone to feel with us and listen. It is the Savior who can fix all things. He is the great healer.
I think I've often felt like I needed to be the healer and I knew I couldn't heal it, so when someone had a feeling that needed healing I would get scared. And that fear would turn into annoyance or anger or just stay fear. And then I wouldn't do anything. I need to follow the Savior's example and just weep with them. Just feel with them. Let them know they are not alone. They have a friend.
I KNOW that when we all feel pain or sorrow or sadness that Jesus is weeping with us, too. He feels our pain. He knows exactly how we feel and it breaks his heart. He weeps with all of us, and after he weeps with us, he will heal us.
But when I say, "Don't feel that way" it just seems to make the other person MORE upset.
Weird, huh?
So right now I'm trying to learn compassion. I'm trying to learn empathy. I'm trying to learn that feelings don't have to be scary. Feelings are just feelings and don't actually need to be fixed.
Right now I'm looking at Christ's life and how he showed empathy. The single most touching moment I can think of is the small verse in John 11 which simply says "Jesus wept."
Jesus wept.
Why did he weep? His good friend, Lazarus, had died and Jesus was talking to Lazarus's sister, Mary, who was also Jesus's good friend. She was crying. She was mourning the loss of her brother. He was crying because he was sharing that moment with Mary. He was sharing her pain. He was empathizing with her. He wept with her.
Here's what gets me. Jesus KNEW that Lazarus was going to be alive very soon. He had been planning it ever since he found out Lazarus was sick. He knew Mary's pain was going to very soon be turned into joy. But did he say anything about that right away? Did he say "Don't feel bad, Mary. Lazarus is going to come back to life!" No. He knew he was going to "fix" things for her, but he still didn't brush her feelings aside. He acknowledged them. He shared them. He connected with Mary in that moment. He has all the answers and all the healing and he didn't just give her answers. He gave her empathy and love first and foremost.
This tells me that when others are hurting it's not my job to have the answers for them, at least not right away. It's my job to be with them in that moment and connect with them. Don't fix it. Acknowledge their pain or sadness or anger. Listen to them. Feel with them. If, after that, I can do something to help, THEN I can offer it. But most times we don't need someone to fix things for us. We need someone to feel with us and listen. It is the Savior who can fix all things. He is the great healer.
I think I've often felt like I needed to be the healer and I knew I couldn't heal it, so when someone had a feeling that needed healing I would get scared. And that fear would turn into annoyance or anger or just stay fear. And then I wouldn't do anything. I need to follow the Savior's example and just weep with them. Just feel with them. Let them know they are not alone. They have a friend.
I KNOW that when we all feel pain or sorrow or sadness that Jesus is weeping with us, too. He feels our pain. He knows exactly how we feel and it breaks his heart. He weeps with all of us, and after he weeps with us, he will heal us.
