You didn't really leave us. We know you're still around. But that chapter of your life was over and with it, that chapter of my life with you was over.
And I miss it.
In all truth, the chapter of our life was over the day you left on your mission. To me that marked the end of our childhood. When you got back things were different and they would never be the same again. It's those days I miss sometimes.
To have someone I admired so much treat me the way you did. To have someone like you ask me for advice. To have someone like you tell me how your day was. To have someone like you tell me about things that bothered you or scared you. To have someone like you think someone like me was something special. That meant a lot. Thanks for making me your friend and for loving me like you did. Sometimes I can still feel that love. It's a different kind of love. Different from a mom or a dad's love. Different from a spouse's love. It's a special "I'm your brother and you're my sister kind of love" that is impossible for me to describe. But I can describe how it makes me feel. It makes me feel loved and good and funny and admired and accepted and okay to be me even when I'm goofy. It feels good.
It's funny. I've now been alive 29 days longer than you. It feels like borrowed time. It feels like it will take me a lifetime to become like you. Thanks for being THAT kind of big brother.
I miss you.
8 comments:
Beautiful. Jeff was the big brother I always wanted. I was always (and honestly still am) slightly jealous of you for that. He is missed.
I taught my girls The Banana the other day and thought of him the whole time. I fully expect to see Jeff leading a mass Banana after the Resurrection.
Resurrected Bananas of the World....UNITE!
Go Bananas. Go Bananas. Go Bananas. Bananas, GO!
That is such a great tribute. I think you are closer to what Jeff was like then you realize. You are an amazing just like he is. I am glad you can still feel him around.
He is missed. It's amazing though, how he continues to influence people for the better. I keep a little picture of him and Kim in my scriptures so it's been a good way for me to tell my primary class about how families are really forever.
Thank you for posting. I always want to call Kim or you or you're mom on days like these but I'm just to afraid of being awkward, so I really appreciate you keeping us abreast of how you feel.
Dangit Carrie! Why do you have to make me cry like that? My brother and I are really close, I don't know what I'd do without him. You don't really stop to think about it that often until they're not there I guess.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. It is good to think of Jeff. We love him so much and you too!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And that picture is just adorable! It's amazing to me how much Jeff looks like Paige in that picture. Here I thought Andrew was his spittin' image.
You are a great example to me of love and faith and patience - thank you for that and thanks for your friendship.
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