Ever since I was young I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be a fun, loving, patient, always-there-when-you-need-her kind of mom. .JPG)
(A moment in motherhood)
Fast forward 20 some-odd years and now it's my turn to be that kind of mom. Only now that it's here, I don't know if I'm any good at it. And I find myself asking, how did she do it? How does anyone do it?
I'm really not that great at mothering right now. I don't feel like I have that motherly instinct. You know what I mean, that seemingly innate knowledge that pours out of mothers to care for and nurture their child. I don't know which stores have the best sizes of clothes for certain ages. I don't know which toys will stimulate my baby's mind the best. I don't know where the best playgrounds are or which places offer free admission on certain days. I don't know what to do for colds, teething, tummy aches, rashes, colic, spit-up, or food allergies. I have a brief idea of what I'm supposed to do to help him learn to roll-over and sit up. I'm vaguely familiar with the term "tummy time". Am I damaging my child because I don't know what that is? I don't know always know what my baby needs or why or when or where...and sometimes I don't care. As long as he sticks to my schedule, I'm okay. I panic when I think of transitions to more solid food, less naps and sleeping without being swaddled. I'm kind of winging it here.
When we first picked up Caleb no one was there to help us but us. It was just me, Zack, a baby and a hotel room. Wal-Mart and Google were our friends. ("He has a cold! What do we do?! Google it! Now go to Wal-Mart and buy everything we've read about!")
My mom wasn't there the first week to help me transition into motherhood. In fact, even after we got home she wasn't there very much. She couldn't be. She was mothering her own mother at the time.
But I think watching her take care of her mother is teaching me more about being a mother than all the books and classes and google advice in the world. I've learned how to care for my baby by watching her take care of her mother. When I would see her doing something for my grandma, like adjusting a pillow, adding an extra blanket or adjusting the recline position on the bed, I would ask how she knew to do that stuff. Her reply was always, "I just think about what I would want if it were me and then I do that." Of course. So simple.
My mom wasn't born knowing how to take care of my grandma so well. She learned day by day. She talked to health care professionals, she learned about nutrition, she asked questions, she read, and she tried things. In the end, she gave my grandma the very best care anyone could ask for.
So, Mom, thank you for your example. I may not know how to be a mom, but I'm learning by watching you. I'll learn day by day. I'll ask questions, I'll read, I'll talk to my pediatrician, I'll learn how to give him the best nutrition and I won't be afraid to try things.
Thank you for teaching me how to care, how to love, and how to be a mom. As a child I wasn't mature enough to notice how you mothered me. I'm so glad that I was able to witness you being a mom from an adult perspective. I hope I can be half as good a mom as you are. And maybe someday my kids will love me just as much as your kids love you.
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6 comments:
What a sweet post. I have a sister who does not have kids. She has been married for eleven years and I think she wants them. I don't know much about their situation and I don't need to. But my sister and my mom do not have a good relationship. I think the only way the will get along is if my sister has kids because their is no way to understand what being a mom is like until you are one. Everyday I come to a greater understanding of my mom.
I have been a mom for five years now and I am finally having moments where I feel like I am getting it and I have things under control. My hubby recentally got a church calling in the young men's/scouts. Even just a few months ago the thought of him being gone consistently one night a week and more would have sent me into a panic, but now i feel like, "I can do this and it's no big deal."
i cannot say enough about networking with friends, virtual if necessary. It's often hard to get out and do things with others but every once in a while it is soooooo worth it.
Isn't it amazing how you think you appreciate your mom, and then, boom, you become a mother and realize you NEVER really appreciated her at all?
Don't worry about winging it. It's what we all do. In fact, you'd think you'd remember it all from kid to kid, but thinking about transitioning to solid foods sent me into a panic with all three girls.
And I've just now come up with something utterly profound (at least it sounds cool): Moms don't wing it, moms soar.
Keep up the good work. He's a happy baby; it means you're doing something right :)
I would be worried if Carrie (or anyone) actually thought they were the best Mom and that they did everything right, because most likely, a person like that is oblivious to their shortcomings. Because Carrie is concerned about being a good Mom, she works hard to be better. I hope I don't ruin it all, but let me just tell you all something you already know; Carrie is a fantastic Mother, and I'm grateful to her Mom (and Dad) for giving her such a great example.
I think moms hope that one day their kids will say something like that to them, once they are grown. That was really wonderful.
I know that with our first I was so worried all the time, "is he meeting his milestones? Why is he crying...did I feed him enough..." I remember just sitting and crying wondering why Heavenly Father trusted me enough to do this. But He did, and our oldest is almost 9, and not to messed up! Caleb was sent to you because he is your son. We as mothers never know exactly what to do, I think we wing it most of the time, but our kids survive and are happy. I think the most important thing is to hold them, love them, and to just treasure every second with them. They grow so fast. You will do great with your sweet boy, and one day you will look back and wish those stressful, hard moments when you didn't know what to do, were back.
Beautiful post! I can hear in your words your own love as Caleb's mother and I am confident he is in very wonderful, capable hands. I'm sure your own mother would agree. What a beautiful entry of family history you've shared here. Caleb has a great legacy of love and service in his family!
LOVE the picture!!! I feel the same way about my mom!!! And I felt the same way when I became a mom for the first time. I wish I could say it gets easier with each kid but they are all so different. I feel I am learning all the time. Motherhood is not easy but it is the most amazing gift anyone could be given!!!!
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