Above Water SCUBA Diving is SO Not What It's Cracked Up To Be

I'm sick.
I have a cold.
Not just one of those little colds where you wake up with a sore throat and a little runny nose that goes away after a day or two. This is one of those feel it in your chest kind of colds. The kind that starts in your chest, slowly moves to your throat and then takes up a room in your nose with occasional hour-long trips to your ears. It's the kind of cold that keeps you up at night for no apparent reason except that you can't lie down without feeling like an elephant is sitting on your nose and it won't. go. away.
Cold medicine doesn't work on this cold. Humidifiers only make the room a little less dry for your poor nose. Liquids merely keep your throat from seizing up and sending you into coughing spasms. Your ears get plugged and won't pop for going on 17 hours now. You feel like you're constantly under water. ...aaand you've already discovered you hate SCUBA diving so you don't need to relive it. Ever.

On the plus side, all noise is muffled a bit and you can't tell if your first graders are being louder than normal. You also can't talk very loudly because of the throat thing and the cough thing, so you get to reinforce the fact that you don't want to get your student's attention by yelling over their chatter.
Also, since you haven't felt like eating for the past 3 days, when you do feel like eating something you feel perfectly justified in eating it on the grounds that your body needs nourishment. Any kind of nourishment. Even if that nourishment is potato chips, soda pop, and peanut butter Twix. If you're craving it, then your body probably needs it to recover, right?