This time of year, 3 years ago, life ended again. I lost my brother.
For a long time I forgot what it felt like to truly feel joy. I was happy. I looked forward to the day when pain and hurt were gone and that brought some happiness. But there always seemed to be a dark cloud hovering around. Things were good, but they were also tinted with sadness all the time. It seemed we were doomed to just be cheerful through tribulation because the tribulation seemed to never end.
A few months ago Zack and I were talking about all the changes going on in our family. After waiting and praying for 7 years we had finally been blessed with a son and were "expecting" some time this year with another one. And if that weren't good enough, our kids would actually have 3 cousins their age because my three brothers were all expecting in the spring. To top it off, my cousin, plus two of our good friends were also expecting this summer. Life was good.
As we talked about all of this, I suddenly realized I was feeling good. Really good. A good that I hadn't felt in a long time. Excited, happy, put a huge grin on your face good. I hadn't realized how absent that feeling was until just then. I think for a while there I was afraid to feel that kind of joy because it might be taken away at any moment. It had happened too many times before.
Joy like that feels really good.
Things still don't feel complete. There's always the feeling that someone is missing and that won't change until we're all together again.
But until then, right now, it's so good to feel joy again.
I'll leave you with this picture because it makes me happy. And when I want to start crying today because I miss Jeff, I'll remember days like this one and I'll remind myself that while it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be happy, too, because I have an awesome family. Aaaand then I'll start crying because I'm so happy I have such an awesome family. Oh well. I guess I just can't avoid the tears today. 
5 comments:
Love you.
That's a great picture, btw. :)
I'm happy you have such a strong, great family! And, I'm happy so many good things are going on right now for you guys! What a nice tribute to your brother. It looks like he was a lot of fun :)
Oh, man, now I'm crying!
I'm so glad you've found joy again. You really do have an awesome family, and I'm proud to be related to them :) Can't wait to see Jeff again someday.
That picture is perfect.
Hugs hugs and more hugs!
Love you!
You are a wonderful person...at least you were in highschool...not so sure now...JK! Heheheh! No really, I'm so happy for you that you have found peace and happiness, there are so many things in life that bring us down, it is a wonderful beautiful thing when we rise above them and find happiness.
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