What If? A Blog about those Mormons

Mormons have been in the media a whole lot lately. By now I'm sure almost everyone has at least heard of Mormons and have an opinion of them, however great or small, bad or good.

Most of you know that I'm a Mormon. In fact, most of you who read my blog are Mormons also. Most of you are family and friends and that's who I typically think of when I write a blog.

But today I'm writing for any of you reading my blog who are not Mormons.

Today I'm posing the "What if" question:

What if the Mormons really do have the truth?

Those of you who believe in Christ and love Him with all your heart (and there are so many of you good, amazing, wonderful people out there), what if this really was His church on earth?

What if the gospel He established when He was on the earth really did fall to apostasy?

What if he came to earth in the early 1820's and re-established his gospel?

What if he truly does stand at the head of His church today?

What if that church was the Mormon church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

Wouldn't you want to know that? Better yet, wouldn't He want you to know that?

Today I give my testimony that Jesus Christ really did come to earth and re-establish His gospel in it's fullness. He stands at the head of His church today: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I know this to be true for myself and you can know it, too.

If you read this book, The Book of Mormon, and pray about it, you will know for yourself if it is true.

Really, what do you have to lose? It's just a book, right? If you read it and feel nothing, then you go along with your life as normal, but maybe knowing a bit more about those Mormons.

But if you read it and you feel something tell you, deep in your heart and mind, that it is truth, then well, your life changes. Then you start to learn more about who you are, where you came from, what the purpose of this life is, and where you are going after it's over.

So, if you want to read it, here's what you do. Just go to the website mormon.org and request a book. Near the bottom there's a link under "I Want To:". Click on "Order a free Book of Mormon". Then read it and see for yourself.

Because, what if it's true?

Noah's Sealing

Noah was sealed to us on my birthday, April 20, 2011.
Honestly, this is a day I looked forward to from the moment we found out he was coming. It is such a fun, special day.
The sealing was set for 5:00 PM so Zack went to work for part of the day. He came home at lunchtime to help us get everything ready. We wanted the boys to be rested and fed before we left for the temple so the afternoon was a big juggling match between how long of a nap they could have and how much time we needed to feed them and dress them once they woke up. It was tight, but we managed to leave the house only 10 minutes late.
We picked up my mom on our way up to the temple. There's a new policy that lets you have a female family member accompany your children in the youth center, if you so choose. (I'm guessing it was created because of the numerous crying children they've had to deal with in the past.) Zack and I went out of town to visit Zack's dad the weekend before and left the kids with my mom. They'd been acting pretty clingy ever since we got back, so we thought it would be a good idea if my mom went to the youth center with them just in case they got upset.

One last family picture before the sealing.

Once my mom and the boys were in the youth center, Zack and I went to go take care of paperwork and such. When that was done they let us go get dressed. It's kind of fun because they have a special locker with your name on it, just like when you are getting married. I didn't get to be in the bride's room this time, but that was okay. When we were all ready, Zack and I got to spend some time together in the Celestial Room before they came and got us for the sealing.
We got to meet with the sealer beforehand and chat for a bit before going in. He was really nice. He and his wife had adopted two children themselves, so he knew how we felt.
When we walked into the sealing room we saw so many family and friends waiting for us. It was so neat to have them share this special day with us. I wanted to get a good look at all of them, but I knew I'd start crying if I did, so I made sure to just take little glances every now and then.
The sealer talked with us for a bit before the boys were brought in. He went over the covenants we make during the temple ceremony. He told us to remember that we are kings and queens in our homes and we should treat each other as such. He also told us to find kingly and queenly solutions to the problems and situations that arise with our children. I won't go into the whole marionberry story here, but he mentioned a situation where we might find Noah covered in jam and asked us to find a royal solution to that problem. Would a king yell and threaten his child or would he treat him with love and understanding?
After the sealer talked to us the boys were brought in. They looked so angelic all dressed in white. Noah, as predicted, looked very alert and aware of everything going on. He didn't crack a smile, but you could tell he was just taking everything in with his big blue eyes.
My dad held Noah during the sealing ceremony. It's such a short little ceremony, but it means so much. He is connected to us forever now. More importantly, he is bound by the sealing covenant and as such has many blessings and protections that will help him through this life and help him return to his Heavenly Father. He is now part of a chain of ancestors and future posterity that stretches on forever. And his place in that chain is as our son. How lucky we are to be blessed with him in our family.

After the sealing we got to be congratulated by everyone in the room. Caleb was soaking all the attention in and I think held his hands out to everyone to hold him. We went and changed and then got the boys from the youth center. The ladies who were watching them had nothing but praise and love for our little boys. They had been in good hands that evening.

We took pictures outside the temple with everyone who stayed. That would be my parents, Rachel and Mike. Thanks guys! Noah and Grandpa

Ours forever!

Me and my little man.

Yea for eternal families! (Noah was not very happy about having his picture taken. Caleb on the other hand...)Then we headed home for a big family shindig complete with sandwiches, salads and cake. It was a really special day. Our family finally felt whole. No more loose ends.

This boys is ours!

What do we do now?

I was reminded while getting a bottle ready for my baby. But I didn't mention it. Instead I said, "It's Trevor's birthday!" My nephew is turning one today! Such a great reason to rejoice this day. It's my cousin, Marcus's birthday, too. Yea for birthdays! That's what I focused on. But I still remembered. I couldn't help it. Four years ago today Jeff died.

I don't like remembering that day at all. Waking up to the phone call from my Dad. Feeling numb. I think my first words after Zack told me were, "What do we do now?" That whole day was a nightmare. Going up to Jeff and Kim's house, walking into the girl's bedroom to see my mom folding clothes. Hugging her and just crying. What do we do now? Sitting and crying on the bed with Kim. What do we do now? Touching his arm, feeling his soft soft hair that had just started to grow in after the last chemo treatments. Seeing his body and knowing he just wasn't there anymore. What do we do now?

Lost. It was just a lost feeling. It was an empty, lost feeling. An every-fiber-of-my-being-is-resisting-this-new-reality-and-I-don't-want-to-live-it-anymore feeling.

What do we do now?

The answers came. They came slowly but surely, as I was ready to hear them. They were answers I already knew. I just didn't really know them until now.

They came in church the next day, Easter Sunday, as we listened to messages about our Savior's resurrection. Assurances that this life is not all. This is just the beginning. This is just a part of our Heavenly Father's marvelous plan for His children.

They came as I watched and was a recipient of the kindness of friends and neighbors. Friends who made us lasagna and pie for the luncheon after the funeral. Lasagna and pie! Two of the hardest, most time consuming dishes to make, in my opinion. And they made them for me. And for my family because those were some of Jeff's favorite foods. I will never forget that. Neighbors who mowed Kim's lawn and pulled her weeds. Who shoveled her driveway in the wintertime (and who still do!).

The answers came as I read the scriptures. When I poured over the verses that told me where Jeff was and what he was doing and who he was with.

They came in songs on the radio, kind words from friends, and quiet moments late at night.

What do we do now?

We live. We live because He lives. And because He lives, Jeff lives. I know it.

We share this good news with everyone. We share it by bearing testimony, by loving those who surround us, by keeping the commandments. We love our families.

I know that my Savior lives. I know that because of Him, my brother lives.

Yes, today is a hard day. I'll remember and I'll cry. And then I'll go hug my boys and tell them about their Uncle Jeff and how completely wonderful he was and still is and how great it will be when they finally get to meet him. And we'll go put pinwheels on his grave and tell him we love him. And then we'll have lasagna and pie for dinner tonight.

Parenting 101 or Why Alma is Da MAN

Can I just tell you how awesome Alma was? 'Cuz he was pretty awesome.

I mean, as a person, he was a pretty cool guy. At first he was kind of a jerk, devoting his time to turning people away from the church, then was visited by an angel (because of the prayers of his father) and turned his whole life around, became a prophet and leader of the church, and later became the chief judge of Zarahemla because everyone thought so highly of him and trusted him so much. Then he devoted his life to teaching the gospel to the people. If you want to read his story, go here. Suffice it to say, he was a great, great man. He's my hero even without being an awesome parent.

Now the scriptures tell us nothing of his life as a parent, but I'm pretty sure that he was a darn good one. (Please excuse my soft-swear.)

What makes me think he was a good parent? Because he wrote the book on how to be a good parent. Actually it's not even a book. It's just two sentences. That's right, it's only two sentences long. TWO!!

I stumbled across it as I was reading yesterday morning. Want to read it?

Here it is:

“And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.”

-Alma 7:23-24

That last part, I'm pretty sure could be read as "...and then ye will always abound in good parenting."

What could be better advice for parenting than that? First off, you need to be humble and submissive. How are you going to be able to ask for and get Heavenly Father's help if you aren't humble enough to receive it? Next you are told to be patient and long-suffering. I think all parents are very aware of how much patience it takes to raise children. But it's nice to hear it and be reminded over and over...and over. Then we are told to be temperate. What does that mean? It means being steady, consistent, and in control. Vital qualities in order to build trust with your kids and also vital in disciplining them. And then there's keeping the commandments of God. There is power in doing the things God has asked of us. And that power is vital in helping us raise our kids. When we do what God asks, He is more likely to be able to bless us with what we need when we ask for it. Don't forget to ask for His help in raising your kids! He knows them better than you do. He understands exactly what they need and when they need it. He understands why they sometimes act the way they do. And I'm pretty sure he loves our kids as much as we do so, of course, he will help us help them. All we have to do is ask. Finally, we need to remember to thank him for helping us. Always remember to give thanks.

There you go. Parenting 101. All you ever needed to know in raising kids.

Thanks, Alma. You are now my parenting hero.

Joy

This time of year, 6 years ago, life seemed to end for me. Zack and I lost our baby boy.

This time of year, 3 years ago, life ended again. I lost my brother.

For a long time I forgot what it felt like to truly feel joy. I was happy. I looked forward to the day when pain and hurt were gone and that brought some happiness. But there always seemed to be a dark cloud hovering around. Things were good, but they were also tinted with sadness all the time. It seemed we were doomed to just be cheerful through tribulation because the tribulation seemed to never end.

A few months ago Zack and I were talking about all the changes going on in our family. After waiting and praying for 7 years we had finally been blessed with a son and were "expecting" some time this year with another one. And if that weren't good enough, our kids would actually have 3 cousins their age because my three brothers were all expecting in the spring. To top it off, my cousin, plus two of our good friends were also expecting this summer. Life was good.

As we talked about all of this, I suddenly realized I was feeling good. Really good. A good that I hadn't felt in a long time. Excited, happy, put a huge grin on your face good. I hadn't realized how absent that feeling was until just then. I think for a while there I was afraid to feel that kind of joy because it might be taken away at any moment. It had happened too many times before.

Joy like that feels really good.

Things still don't feel complete. There's always the feeling that someone is missing and that won't change until we're all together again.

But until then, right now, it's so good to feel joy again.

I'll leave you with this picture because it makes me happy. And when I want to start crying today because I miss Jeff, I'll remember days like this one and I'll remind myself that while it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be happy, too, because I have an awesome family. Aaaand then I'll start crying because I'm so happy I have such an awesome family. Oh well. I guess I just can't avoid the tears today.

Sunday Has Come

I can't think of a better way to express how I feel this Easter season than with this talk by Elder Wirthlin.



Sunday has come. Our Savior died for us and was resurrected the third day. I cannot imagine the joy the apostles and disciples- all those who loved Jesus- felt when they realized that He was not dead, but He had risen. I can imagine a little how Mary Magdalene felt when He was crucified. And when she came that Sunday and discovered that His body was gone. How she wept tears of sorrow for Him. How much she missed Him. And I weep with her. But I know what's coming next. And I feel just a touch of the joy she must have felt when she realized the "gardener" she thought she had been speaking with was her Savior. When I read that account I cry tears of joy with her. He is alive! He is not dead!
Her Sunday had come.

Those of us who have lost loved ones, be they brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, husbands, wives, cousins, grandmothers and grandfathers, or friends, our Sunday will come. Because of the love of our Savior, and His atonement that broke the bonds of death, our Sunday will come.
Just knowing that, just having that promise, I can already taste how sweet that Sunday will be.
And I rejoice in the infinite love that my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, has for me.

He is not dead, but He is risen.

Glasses, Babies and Rain

I am thankful for glasses. I'm even more thankful for contacts.
However, last week I was hoping I could rid myself of them for good.

When I was in 8th grade I had Mrs. Southwick for Health class. I only remember a few things from her class. One, she taught us the names of all the bones in the body using little memory tricks. Because of those tricks I still remember them today and use them in my class to get attention. (Nothing quiets a class faster than "If you can hear me, touch your patella.")
The other thing I remember was the day she told us that her son had gotten his near-sightedness fixed. He didn't need glasses or contacts anymore. I was stunned. You can FIX that?

Ever since then I've waited for the day I could get my eyes fixed. This year Zack and I decided that the time had come.
So, last week Zack and I went to Hoopes Vision and the Moran Eye Center for free consultations for LASIK. I was a little shocked when the doctor at Hoopes Vision told me that I didn't qualify for LASIK or PRK.
The Moran Eye Center told me the same thing. Apparently I have two things going against me and the combination of both makes LASIK out of my reach. My prescription is high and my corneas are unnaturally thin. I don't have enough cornea to shave off to fix my vision.
I was disappointed. I almost cried. I had wanted this for a long time.

Before I could let myself get too depressed or upset I reminded myself that I can still see. I may have terrible vision but because of contacts and glasses I can see. Having to wear glasses for a week before my eye exams made me acutely aware of how much I needed them to function. I tend to forget about that when my contacts are in. But glasses brought it all back. If I took them off I was blind. If they bugged me and I took them off I was reminded that taking them off wasn't an option. I HAD to wear them. It was a little unnerving to realize how dependent I was on them. If I didn't have glasses or contacts I couldn't work, drive, read, or anything really. (I could probably walk around...as long as it wasn't dark.)
So when I took that into perspective I decided it wasn't too bad that I couldn't have LASIK. At least I live in a time where there are glasses or contacts that help me see.

My brain likes to take what I learn in one area and try to see how many other areas I can apply that same information. The lesson of "being grateful for what I have and not being upset because I don't have more" suddenly applied everywhere. I know I've been taught that my whole life from my parents and Sunday school teachers, but it's always good to have a real-life reminder.

The application immediately when to Zack and my struggle to start our family. It's easy for me to be upset that I have to wait so long for something I want so badly. Why don't we have kids? Why was Joshua taken from us? What else are we supposed to be doing with our lives?
But instead of being upset I'm trying to look at it from a better perspective. We've had 7 years just to ourselves. We have a child that, because of the sealing power of the priesthood, will be ours forever. I've had the privilege to teach first graders for going on 9 years now. I have learned things during that time that I would not have learned anywhere else. The experiences I've had are invaluable to me. And now we have the privilege of being part of the adoption world, a world where the more I learn about it the more I recognize Heavenly Father's hand in the lives of all his children. It is truly a divine plan. I have learned so much. All because of the trial of not having kids. (Side note to anyone willing to listen: It's okay for me to say that I should be glad I don't have kids, but it's NOT okay for other people to tell me to be happy I don't have kids. Okay, I'm done.)

I heard a quote yesterday and I like the way it puts into words what I'm trying to do with my life. I don't know who said it, but I like it.
"Life is not about trying to endure the storms that come your way. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
If we never learn to dance in the rain, we might never be happy. When you think about it, isn't dancing in the rain one of the best kind of dancing there is?

Without rain, things couldn't grow. Without my trials, I wouldn't grow either.

Merry Christmas

The important thing about Christmas is that we remember Him. We sing and laugh. We make treats and we give them away. We buy presents and we give presents. We love each other and try to be good like Jesus taught. But the important thing about Christmas is that we remember Him.

One Step

"One step at a time, there's no need to rush.
It's like learning to fly or falling in love.
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen.
And we find the reasons why one step at a time."

Sometimes that one step feels more like a leap. But I guess that's the only way you learn to fly, and flying is what you want.
Who knew that leaping off the edge could feel so good?

As Long As It Has a Time Limit

Tonight I needed to mop the floor and do other various cleany things around my house. I'll admit, I'm a staller. If I can find a reasonable reason not to clean, I'll probably do it. (Reasonable reasons include "I don't have enough time to clean what I REALLY want to clean so I might as well not do anything", "we're taking the dogs up to the mountains and they'll get the house dirty so we might as well wait until we get back", "I'll do it on Saturday when I have all day", "I'm tired", and "I don't feel like it".)
But tonight I couldn't think of anything else to do. I really needed to give my floor another smell other than it's current smell of "I have two dogs". I didn't want to clean. I wanted to be lazy. So I had to resort to the method my mature self uses to get my lazy, immature self to do anything: I gave myself a time limit. I said, "I'll just clean everything I can for 20 minutes and then I can stop." When I do this I usually end up cleaning for at least an hour. I know this fact when I give myself the time limit. I just need a jump start. I need an out in case after 20 minutes I'm still not in the mood to clean.

Tonight worked like most other nights. I ended up cleaning until I HAD to stop and go to a family thing (Family night where my favorite quote of the night was: Dad: "And who gives us the gift of the Holy Ghost?" Answer from the almost two-year old: "ME!")

Why do I need a time limit? I think it has something to do with the bad thing having an end. As I was cleaning, I started thinking about other things I "endure" because I know there's a time limit. Being alone. Pulling weeds. Parent/Teacher Conferences. Uncomfortable parties where I don't know anyone. Missing family members. Cars broken down on the freeway (I honestly tell myself "This will be over a week from now. Somehow this will have all been taken care of a week from now...")

Come to think of it, a lot of my happiness is based on the hope that all bad things will eventually go away. And that has it's base in faith and trust- good companions when you're going through a tough time. Somehow they can even help us feel happiness in the midst of the unhappiness.

Happiness

Happiness is having your family over to your house for family night.
Happiness is watching your nieces squeal everytime your dog chases his ball.
Happiness is watching your husband and brothers teach their nephew how to play basketball.
Happiness is watching that nephew make almost every basket he attempts.
Happiness is watching how proud that nephew is of himself and knowing how much he needs that right now.
Happiness is sitting around sharing testimony with your mom and sisters-in-law.
Happiness is being outside late at night with a full moon.
Happiness is your mom singing to "The Lovin' Spoonful", standing up through the sun roof in her car, and dancing to the music.
Happiness is watching your nieces copy her.
Happiness is playing Hide and Seek outside on a warm summer's night.
Happiness is hiding with your 2 year-old niece and having her silently turn to you, put her finger over her mouth, stare at you with her big eyes, and go "shhhhhhhhh".
Happiness is watching your nephew dance around just like his dad used to do.
Happiness is knowing his dad is there, watching, and loving that we're all together and we're dancing with his kids.
Happiness is knowing we're going to be okay.
Happiness is being with your family forever.

In His Hands

My brother is my hero. It's always been that way. As a child, I was the epitome of the younger sister who copied everything her big brother did, who laughed at all his jokes (even when they don't make any sense), who thought everything he did was way cooler than anything I ever did. I thought the world of him. He didn't let me down, either. In school he didn't try to hide from me or tell me to "get lost" as so many older brothers would do. Instead, he'd seek ME out. He'd bring his friends to ME. On my birthday, he got a group of friends together and sang to me in the cafeteria, complete with Twinkies and balloons.

We used to talk long into the night, well after everyone had gone to bed. We'd make faces in the mirror. We'd pull our hair back and hide our hairlines to see what we'd look like when we were bald. (Niether one of us would have won a Bald-is-Beautiful contest.) Our talk was full of 'inside jokes' that nobody else understood. A few phrases have still survived, such as "Know your Nigel" and "Laugh like a staunchy businessman" (both rules for good humor). All in all, I have THE big brother. The big brother that every parent wants their daughter to have.

It's nice to have someone to look up to, especially when he hasn't let you down yet.

Which is why it is so hard to watch what cancer has done to him.

Tonight, as we sat as a family, my husband, my parents, my brothers and their wives, having an Easter Family Night, I sat helpless as my big brother sat hunched over, unable to sit comfortably because of the fluid building up in his veins. I watched, helpless, as he coughed and tried to speak. I watched, helpless, as his wife helped him up and checked the oxygen machine he was on. He is not the same. His jokes deep inside with no energy to bring them out. His body won't allow him to do any of the jobs a father feels he should do. I sit, helpless, as I watch my brother go through what has been and might turn out to be the hardest thing he will ever have to go through in this life. I see the pain in his eyes. I can only imagine how he feels not being able to help his wife take care of their three small children.

And then the Easter lesson starts. It begins by family members reading the account of the resurrection in the Gospel Mark. "And entering into the sepulchre, they saw two angels sitting thereon, clothed in long white garments; and they were affrighted. But the angels said until them, Be not affrighted; ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified; he is risen." As we read, I knew that the Savior was with my little family. He is aware of our pain. I knew he had my brother in His hands, but it wasn't until right then that I really understood that He had us all in His hands. He is very aware of my this family of mine. It is through Him that my brother will be healed. It is through Him that I will be with my family in the eternities, and it is through Him that I will hold my son again. And so, despite all the hurt and suffering my family is going through, I have so many reasons to be grateful and to truly rejoice.
Even in the hard times, life is, and will forever be, good.