What do we do now?

I was reminded while getting a bottle ready for my baby. But I didn't mention it. Instead I said, "It's Trevor's birthday!" My nephew is turning one today! Such a great reason to rejoice this day. It's my cousin, Marcus's birthday, too. Yea for birthdays! That's what I focused on. But I still remembered. I couldn't help it. Four years ago today Jeff died.

I don't like remembering that day at all. Waking up to the phone call from my Dad. Feeling numb. I think my first words after Zack told me were, "What do we do now?" That whole day was a nightmare. Going up to Jeff and Kim's house, walking into the girl's bedroom to see my mom folding clothes. Hugging her and just crying. What do we do now? Sitting and crying on the bed with Kim. What do we do now? Touching his arm, feeling his soft soft hair that had just started to grow in after the last chemo treatments. Seeing his body and knowing he just wasn't there anymore. What do we do now?

Lost. It was just a lost feeling. It was an empty, lost feeling. An every-fiber-of-my-being-is-resisting-this-new-reality-and-I-don't-want-to-live-it-anymore feeling.

What do we do now?

The answers came. They came slowly but surely, as I was ready to hear them. They were answers I already knew. I just didn't really know them until now.

They came in church the next day, Easter Sunday, as we listened to messages about our Savior's resurrection. Assurances that this life is not all. This is just the beginning. This is just a part of our Heavenly Father's marvelous plan for His children.

They came as I watched and was a recipient of the kindness of friends and neighbors. Friends who made us lasagna and pie for the luncheon after the funeral. Lasagna and pie! Two of the hardest, most time consuming dishes to make, in my opinion. And they made them for me. And for my family because those were some of Jeff's favorite foods. I will never forget that. Neighbors who mowed Kim's lawn and pulled her weeds. Who shoveled her driveway in the wintertime (and who still do!).

The answers came as I read the scriptures. When I poured over the verses that told me where Jeff was and what he was doing and who he was with.

They came in songs on the radio, kind words from friends, and quiet moments late at night.

What do we do now?

We live. We live because He lives. And because He lives, Jeff lives. I know it.

We share this good news with everyone. We share it by bearing testimony, by loving those who surround us, by keeping the commandments. We love our families.

I know that my Savior lives. I know that because of Him, my brother lives.

Yes, today is a hard day. I'll remember and I'll cry. And then I'll go hug my boys and tell them about their Uncle Jeff and how completely wonderful he was and still is and how great it will be when they finally get to meet him. And we'll go put pinwheels on his grave and tell him we love him. And then we'll have lasagna and pie for dinner tonight.

Parenting 101 or Why Alma is Da MAN

Can I just tell you how awesome Alma was? 'Cuz he was pretty awesome.

I mean, as a person, he was a pretty cool guy. At first he was kind of a jerk, devoting his time to turning people away from the church, then was visited by an angel (because of the prayers of his father) and turned his whole life around, became a prophet and leader of the church, and later became the chief judge of Zarahemla because everyone thought so highly of him and trusted him so much. Then he devoted his life to teaching the gospel to the people. If you want to read his story, go here. Suffice it to say, he was a great, great man. He's my hero even without being an awesome parent.

Now the scriptures tell us nothing of his life as a parent, but I'm pretty sure that he was a darn good one. (Please excuse my soft-swear.)

What makes me think he was a good parent? Because he wrote the book on how to be a good parent. Actually it's not even a book. It's just two sentences. That's right, it's only two sentences long. TWO!!

I stumbled across it as I was reading yesterday morning. Want to read it?

Here it is:

“And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.”

-Alma 7:23-24

That last part, I'm pretty sure could be read as "...and then ye will always abound in good parenting."

What could be better advice for parenting than that? First off, you need to be humble and submissive. How are you going to be able to ask for and get Heavenly Father's help if you aren't humble enough to receive it? Next you are told to be patient and long-suffering. I think all parents are very aware of how much patience it takes to raise children. But it's nice to hear it and be reminded over and over...and over. Then we are told to be temperate. What does that mean? It means being steady, consistent, and in control. Vital qualities in order to build trust with your kids and also vital in disciplining them. And then there's keeping the commandments of God. There is power in doing the things God has asked of us. And that power is vital in helping us raise our kids. When we do what God asks, He is more likely to be able to bless us with what we need when we ask for it. Don't forget to ask for His help in raising your kids! He knows them better than you do. He understands exactly what they need and when they need it. He understands why they sometimes act the way they do. And I'm pretty sure he loves our kids as much as we do so, of course, he will help us help them. All we have to do is ask. Finally, we need to remember to thank him for helping us. Always remember to give thanks.

There you go. Parenting 101. All you ever needed to know in raising kids.

Thanks, Alma. You are now my parenting hero.

Project: Church Books

When we brought Caleb home he was 3 1/2 months old and he liked to sleep. A lot. Sundays were easy because he slept for most of our church meetings. Sacrament meeting = Nap time. It was great. When he got a little older he started staying awake more during meetings. But he'd just chill in my or Zack's lap. We'd give him a toy to look at and everything was dandy.

Then he learned to walk.

All of a sudden sitting for an hour and ten minutes straight wasn't fun anymore. (Whaaat? You don't want to sit on daddy's lap and stare at the back of people's heads for an hour? What's wrong with you!?) Caleb needed to be entertained. We brought toys for him to play with but, as a lot of you well know, those didn't keep him quiet. It's hard to keep a one year-old quietly entertained. He's ONE. You can't reason with him. You can't talk to him about how he needs to be reverent and keep his hands to himself and not yell sporadically throughout the meeting. You just can't.

One thing Caleb does like A LOT is reading books. So we brought books to quietly read with him during the meeting. While the congregation was learning about Christ and charity, repentance and forgiveness, Caleb was learning about trucks and fruit and animals. And he was quiet.

Wait a minute. Our goal in bringing him to church isn't to teach him to be quiet. and it isn't to teach him about trucks. It's to teach him to recognize the Spirit and learn about Jesus and families being forever and all that good stuff. So why not have him read books about it?

So, a few weeks ago, we all took a trip to the distribution center and bought a lot of pictures of Christ and a ton of temple pictures. Then we went over to Alpha Graphics and had them laminated and turned into some church books.

We have a Jesus Book.

Caleb doesn't really like to "read" this one. When we try to turn the pages and talk about the pictures he makes us go back to the front page and then just points to Jesus and says "Dezs". That's good enough for me.

We also have a Temple Book.

He's not as entertained with this one, but I'm hoping as he gets older and starts to recognize the various temples, he'll like it more. (This book only has 23 temples. I guess we could do a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th edition to get the rest of them in!)

We also got him a small copy of The Book of Mormon. No, he can't read it, sillies. But he does like to fan through the pages. He used to fan through the pages of the hymn book, but I'm nervous that he'll accidentally rip a page. I feel much better now that he has his own book. For Easter we think we'll get him a small copy of the Children's Songbook. That one is colorful and has pictures!

My future church book projects include making a Family Book of pictures of extended family members, a Prophet Book of all the prophets, and a book that tells the story of adopting Caleb and having him sealed to us. If anyone has any other ideas for church books, let me know.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

My grandma turns 89 today. (This is the only picture I had close by of her. )

To honor her this day, I decided to post a picture of one of her paintings and post one (or two) of her poems. And since she now has dementia and never checks the Internet she can't tell me not to (because if she knew what I was doing she would.).

This is a painting she did of roses. To me it is the epitome of Grandma's paintings- Roses painted with oil paints. She painted a lot of roses. If she knew I was posting this online she would NOT be happy about it. I'm pretty sure it's unfinished (because it was never framed) and I'm pretty sure she never thought it was that great considering when we were cleaning out her house we found it in a drawer. But, sorry Grandma, I like it. It reminds me of you.

I am having a hard time choosing which of her poems to put. And since it's her birthday and it's my blog and I can do whatever I want, I've decided to post two poems. One about her as a little girl playing on a swing and one that about her testimony of the Sabbath.

Box Elder Beginning

By Lucille Rampton Perry

Twin trees marked my seasons as I grew,

Frail leaves changed to measure of the light,

Between two trunks a slim pole joined the two

To hold my swing...my vehicle of flight.

My feet wore out the grass between the trees

With push and soar and point toes to the sky!

When bent across the board with dusty knees

I bruised the earth, I twisted ropes to fly

In circles until sun and leaves were one.

There I heard the gulls scream children's names,

and leaning in the swing, I answered back.

I was a seagull, playing seagull games.

Then soaring, made the old beam sigh and crack.

My brother built a perch out on a limb

That overlooked white lilac's topmost spray.

The purple morning glories vied with him,

And climbed the house to tell the time of day.

Like chirping sparrows, eagerly we played

Around, and in the green box elder shade.

Box elder trees grow old, green willows sprout,

Around the twisted root that thrust so deep;

They wave new wands through worm, and wind, and drought,

As magic as the memories I keep.

Song of the Sabbath

by Lucille Rampton Perry

My way today is a quiet way

That my Lord has bade me go;

It does not lead to the market place

Or the pleasures that I know.

Yesterday's manna is gathered up,

So today my hands are free

To partake of the supper He has prepared

And the rest He offers me

Whether I walk this way alone,

Or come with a happy throng,

The welcome of love is always there,

And the peace of the Sabbath song.

I kneel at His feet showing unclean hands,

And ask for His healing touch;

Draw from the power of perfect love,

Discarding my fear and my crutch.

As the woman, not stoned, but forgiven all,

And the blind man whose eyes now see,

I worship in church on the Sabbath day,

That wholeness, through Him, might be.

Great is the gift of this Holy day

And the promises, freely made,

As I remember His sacrifice

And the debt that He gladly paid.

Thanks for leaving such a great heritage with your poems, Grandma. In some ways they are better than a journal because your feelings and experiences shine through each one.

Happy Birthday!

*Kim and I are in the process (the very very beginning process) of making a book of all of Grandma's paintings and poems. If any of you family members have or know of any poems or paintings of hers, let us know so we can get pictures of them or copies and put them in the book!

Now Let Us Rejoice

This weekend I had the priviledge of seeing my newest little niece blessed by her daddy. Her daddy is my baby brother and it's fun to watch him enter this new phase of his life. It seems he was born to play the role of the doting father. He can't stop smiling at his baby girl. And I don't blame him. She is a DOLL.

The blessing took place in California, because that's where my brother and his wife live (much to our disappointment). My parents, my two brothers and Zack and I were able to make it out for the blessing.

While I was sitting in the chapel, surrounded by my brothers, my parents, and my sister-in-law's family, I starting thinking about all the family members who were there but participating on the other side of the veil. My brother, my son, my grandparents and countless others surely were there as well enjoying the wonderful occasion. My sister-in-law's grandparents had passed away a while ago and so I imagined them greeting and shaking hands with my grandparents and congratulating each other on such a fine, sweet little great-grandchild. I imagined a lot of patting each other on the back, hand-shaking, grins, and words of "She's adorable." "We've done well." and "She gets that from me...". (You know how grandparents -and great-grandparents- can be.) While I was sitting there thinking about all of this I was struck with how neat it was that two families, who didn't know each other before, could instantly become connected -all because of a little girl.

Then the closing hymn started. "Now let us rejoice in the day of salvation." A wave of understanding washed over me as I sang the next words, "No longer as strangers on earth need we roam."

We, two families who were once strangers, are strangers no more. We are one great family now. And that's pretty much what life is all about.